There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
