I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
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Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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