we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah