Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
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They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
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Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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