I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.