I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.