Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
