so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
