"it" just moved
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
