if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
