Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
