that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
