i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize