How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
