So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
