My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
