i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
