i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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