Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize