I'm sorry my penis didn't work
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
