do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
