I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
