Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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