My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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