I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
