I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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