you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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