Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
