I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
