Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
false alarm, still single
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
