I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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