I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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