you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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