I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
