I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
