I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
What a dumb baby whore.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I want a musical about memes.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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