I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I want to make a zoo with you.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
