I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
