cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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