he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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