need another drink. this is the easiest way
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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