We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
