I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
