I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
