you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
