last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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