did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
