oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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