He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize