Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
