She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i used baking grease as lip gloss
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
