You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
