Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the day after is always just damage control
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
