dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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