I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
