Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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