something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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