Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
