I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I didn't notice because vodka
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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