i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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