Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
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he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
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MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize