You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
