there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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