I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
