I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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