my sisters under your porch take her home
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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