I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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