Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
