He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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