My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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