Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
