Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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