my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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