hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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