I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
