"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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